The Most Important Five Words to Unlock More Equitable Conversations (Facilitation Friday #19)
Help participants honor the diverse experiences, interests, and preferences likely present in almost any group.
Five words.
That’s all it may take to help ensure more equitable and inclusive conversations.
Can you guess what they are?
The answer likely won’t surprise you, but you may be disappointed by how rarely they are put into practice.
Ask for what you need.
Five words. One simple agreement.
Why These Words Matter
When facilitators make it easier for participants to ask for what they need, conversations—and the space and climate in which they are held—feel different. Ownership for the outcomes and the process seems to increase. Different needs can be shared and acted upon with less discomfort or concern about how they may be perceived. People begin to understand how modifying their own behavior can create greater equity and inclusion for others.
For participants to disclose their needs, as well as support others doing so, may require some encouragement or you modeling the way. Why? Some people are not used to—or have not always felt safe—expressing their needs to others in a meeting or workshop. In addition, they may have experienced groups or settings that conditioned participants to acquiesce to the preferences of the leader or facilitator.
Inviting People to Make Their Ask
We might encourage participants to ask for what they need at any or all of the following three opportunities:
1. In advance through a participant survey
What might you need—or what would make it easier for you—to speak freely and make your best contributions to the session and its intended outcomes?
The answers collected can help inform your session design choices, particularly for any pre-work or advance reading and the conversation or learning formats you select for different agenda items or content segments.
2. When the group forms its shared agreements
What might you need from others (or me) today to speak freely and make your best contributions to the session and its intended outcomes?
Once surfaced or shared, you’ll likely need to discuss the mix of needs, what they may require of members of the group and/or your facilitation, and if logistics or the stated outcomes for the gathering may prevent any of their fulfillment.
3. In the moment when a specific need arises
Offering participants some facilitative language can make it easier for them to ask for what they need in the moment. My suggestion is that they preface their expression of need with “I would find it helpful if …”
As I noted when previously writing about this phrasing:
I would find it helpful if … as a statement of personal need often surfaces what others may find helpful. Example: “I would find it helpful to briefly review the committee’s report before we begin our discussions.”
Note that an unspoken “I wonder if others would also” is almost implied, enabling others in the group to agree or share what they would find helpful. The group and/or the designated facilitator can determine what to do next based on the mix of responses.
Participants will need to appreciate (or at last accept) that when their needs differ from those of other group members, it may not be possible to honor them fully. Part of being an effective group member is a willingness to accommodate and/or defer to the diverse needs and preferences present.
Bottom Line
Creating an equitable and inclusive climate in meetings and workshops that produce better discussions and decisions can be easier when people feel comfortable—and commit to—asking for what they need. These personal expressions invite mutual support among participants that honors the diverse experiences, interests, and preferences likely present in almost any group.
Getting in Action
When during a meeting or workshop have you asked for what you needed? What was that like? What made it easier for you to do so?
Think of the people and sessions you facilitate. What might make it easier during those gatherings for people to ask for what they need? What might get in the way of them doing so and how might you mitigate those constraints?
What other approaches might you leverage—or questions might you ask—to help unlock more equitable and inclusive conversations?
© Facilitate Better and Jeffrey Cufaude. All rights reserved.
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